Marriage Builders: Substitute Negativity for Positivity

Written by: Richard Krejcir
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Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23

God, Himself, from His immeasurable love, paid our debt and freed us from His wrath.  We must ask ourselves, What now?  What do I do?  How will I live?  Do we allow Christ’s love to motivate and control us, or do we go it alone?  If we really, truly believe in Him with sincere trust and obedience, then, it will produce a result.

Remember authentic Christian love is the surrender of our will to His. This surrender changes what we think and how we speak, and through His grace, we can face forward and embrace relationship with our spouse, family, friends, and neighbors. If love does not take us beyond our self-interests, then it is not true love!

Positive thinking has been negatively viewed in Reformed and Evangelical circles because of its abuse by some preachers.  Nonetheless, positive thinking is a call from our Lord. It does not replace His Holy Spirit and Word, but it will impact all that we are and do.

Here are some replacement words you can use to create a better marriage environment, also works at work, school, and church.

Substitute Negative Words with Positive Words

“I can’t and “I won’t” with “I haven’t yet.”
“I don’t know.” with “I will find out for you.”
“If I…” with “When I…”
“That will be a problem.” with “That’s going to be a challenge.”
“I will try.” with “I will do.”
“You are…or I am a failure.” with “We are a success because we learned something.


Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good?  But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed.  “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. 1 Peter 3:13-15

The ups and downs of marriage may take its toll on us.  When life seems to rise up and wage war against us, our character can grow stronger and our relationships can improve.  We can become even stronger and more loving—even more content.  The choice is ours, and the principles are straight from God’s Word. However, it’s not all about what we say – it’s also how we think.

Here are some replacement thoughts to help line up your thinking to God’s call.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Substitute Negative Thoughts with Positive Thoughts

“I do not feel loved.” with “God loves me and nothing can buffet that.” Romans 8:31; 38-39
“I give up.” with “I can.” Philippians 4:13
“I am too weak.” with “The Lord is my strength.” Psalm 27:1
“I am a failure.” with “God does not abandon me.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
“I am worthless.” with “I am not worthless because God made me.” Psalm 139:13-16
“I am confused.” with “God has a plan for me.” Jeremiah 29:11
“I am afraid.” with “God gives me power, love and no fear.” 2 Timothy 1:7
“I feel alone.” with “God is with me.” Matthew 28:20; Hebrews 13:5
“I feel unfulfilled.” with “I can be content.” Philippians 4:11
“I do not know what to do.” with “God will give me wisdom.” James 1:5
“I feel judged.” with “I am not condemned.” Romans 8:1


When we lose sight of our purpose (what God calls us to in life or in marriage) we will fall into a life of despair, not achieving desired fulfillment. The irony about society is that it seeks all the blessings without including God.  Because of this, people become disillusioned and angry with God when they do not get them.

If we just spend a little more time working on our relationship with each other, we will enjoy a much happier and purposeful life that would please God, making us, and those around us, happier.

Another thing you need to do to build a good marriage is to be accountable to someone, perhaps those in a small group.  You will grow and change better and faster by having someone who knows you to push, encourage, and challenge you in the right direction and in the Word.

Read Mark 12:30-31; John 14-15; Galatians 5:22-23; Ephesians 4:31-32

How can you use these replacement words and positive thoughts?

How will it improve your marriage?