Marriage Builders: Substitute Negativity for Positivity

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Marriage Builders: Substitute Negativity for Positivity

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men. Colossians 3:23

God, Himself, from His immeasurable love, paid our debt and freed us from His wrath.  We must ask ourselves, What now?  What do I do?  How will I live?  Do we allow Christ’s love to motivate and control us, or do we go it alone?  If we really, truly believe in Him with sincere trust and obedience, then, it will produce a result.

Remember authentic Christian love is the surrender of our will to His. This surrender changes what we think and how we speak, and through His grace, we can face forward and embrace relationship with our spouse, family, friends, and neighbors. If love does not take us beyond our self-interests, then it is not true love!

Positive thinking has been negatively viewed in Reformed and Evangelical circles because of its abuse by some preachers.  Nonetheless, positive thinking is a call from our Lord. It does not replace His Holy Spirit and Word, but it will impact all that we are and do.

Here are some replacement words you can use to create a better marriage environment, also works at work, school, and church.

Substitute Negative Words with Positive Words

“I can’t and “I won’t” with “I haven’t yet.”
“I don’t know.” with “I will find out for you.”
“If I…” with “When I…”
“That will be a problem.” with “That’s going to be a challenge.”
“I will try.” with “I will do.”
“You are…or I am a failure.” with “We are a success because we learned something.


Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good?  But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed.  “Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.” But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. 1 Peter 3:13-15

The ups and downs of marriage may take its toll on us.  When life seems to rise up and wage war against us, our character can grow stronger and our relationships can improve.  We can become even stronger and more loving—even more content.  The choice is ours, and the principles are straight from God’s Word. However, it’s not all about what we say – it’s also how we think.

Here are some replacement thoughts to help line up your thinking to God’s call.

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2

Substitute Negative Thoughts with Positive Thoughts

“I do not feel loved.” with “God loves me and nothing can buffet that.” Romans 8:31; 38-39
“I give up.” with “I can.” Philippians 4:13
“I am too weak.” with “The Lord is my strength.” Psalm 27:1
“I am a failure.” with “God does not abandon me.” 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
“I am worthless.” with “I am not worthless because God made me.” Psalm 139:13-16
“I am confused.” with “God has a plan for me.” Jeremiah 29:11
“I am afraid.” with “God gives me power, love and no fear.” 2 Timothy 1:7
“I feel alone.” with “God is with me.” Matthew 28:20; Hebrews 13:5
“I feel unfulfilled.” with “I can be content.” Philippians 4:11
“I do not know what to do.” with “God will give me wisdom.” James 1:5
“I feel judged.” with “I am not condemned.” Romans 8:1

When we lose sight of our purpose (what God calls us to in life or in marriage) we will fall into a life of despair, not achieving desired fulfillment. The irony about society is that it seeks all the blessings without including God.  Because of this, people become disillusioned and angry with God when they do not get them.

If we just spend a little more time working on our relationship with each other, we will enjoy a much happier and purposeful life that would please God, making us, and those around us, happier.

Another thing you need to do to build a good marriage is to be accountable to someone, perhaps those in a small group.  You will grow and change better and faster by having someone who knows you to push, encourage, and challenge you in the right direction and in the Word.

Read Mark 12:30-31; John 14-15; Galatians 5:22-23; Ephesians 4:31-32

How can you use these replacement words and positive thoughts?

How will it improve your marriage?



About The Author
Richard Krejcir
Richard Krejcir
Hi there, I'm Dr. Krejcir, the Founder and Director of “Into Thy Word Ministries,” ( a missions and discipling ministry. I'm also the author of several books including, Into Thy Word, and A Field Guide to Healthy Relationships. I'm a pastor, teacher, husband and father, and a graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California (M.Div.) and I have a Doctor of Philosophy in Practical Theology from London, England (Ph.D). Blessings to you!
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  • Rebecca Carter
    October 26, 2012 at 1:29 pm


  • Rebecca Carter
    October 26, 2012 at 1:30 pm


  • Julie Baxter Wilson
    October 26, 2012 at 2:43 pm

    sooooo tru!

  • Lolita Tolentino
    October 26, 2012 at 4:16 pm


  • Joe Wilson
    October 26, 2012 at 4:17 pm

    AMEN! I agree 100%! 🙂

  • Sharon Harms
    October 26, 2012 at 5:20 pm

    Very good word. Not perfect, but none of us are. Does come close, though. Guess my only objection, really, is that sometimes, “I’ll try,” is all I can promise. There are some things I can’t guarantee, and I don’t want to lie. Truth and openness are also important.

  • Jann Newland
    October 27, 2012 at 12:28 pm

    The only a marriage needs is .. Don’t let the little stuff bother you. LOL

  • Joseph R. Ravitts
    October 27, 2012 at 3:42 pm

    FINALLY, someone recommending something OTHER THAN “Be sure you love YOURSELF above all!”

  • Ruby Browning Vice
    October 27, 2012 at 6:37 pm

    I need a husband before I do this.

  • Valorie Bauer
    October 27, 2012 at 9:11 pm

    ahh… I’m not married… dont need this.. but others might… sounds like it’s good

  • Catherine Palmisano
    October 29, 2012 at 3:49 am

    i WILL BE WED 11/3/12, RIGHT ON TIME!!!

  • Teresa M Merz
    October 29, 2012 at 7:37 am

    Very True

  • PennyMarieMcgillem
    October 30, 2012 at 6:32 am

    hi, dec 14th 2011 my husband took a 19 year old girl out that was in his ivy tech class . we have been married for 35 year s at this time. he took her pictures an had her phone number in his wallet. then dec15 i went to ivy tech cause she said she was going to leave with him. he lied to my face both days saying he helped a guy friend out the 14th. they was drinking then . when he came home he acted like it was nothing .the 15th he said he had pictures of her but wouldn,t show them to me . i was suicidual so i was locked up . when i got out he started to beat me feb 2nd he blacked my eye. feb 7th i stabbed myself an died 8 times before i got to hospital . he has still been beating on me now for 8 months . i am terrified of him but neither one of us has a place to go as i,m on disability an he is retired his job went to mexico . our house is big enough for both of us as it has 3 bedrooms . we just try to stay out of each other ways . since it,s been almost a year how do i get my butterflies back that i had when we was dating and married til this happened just seeing him walk in the door butterflies would fill my stomache and when he would hold me as no one ever has . i miss this so much . i want it back .

    • RichardKrejcir
      October 30, 2012 at 11:03 am

      Penny, I am so saddened this has happened to you!
      What you have been through, what you have experienced is evil and you do not disserve it. It is not your fault! You are not stupid, you do not deserve this, you are not a failure, and you have dignity and worth because you are Christ’s precious child!
      Never accept the abuse, it is never OK! So, do not hurt yourself because of him! And remember Christ never rejects you! So, you have no shame or rejection, and He is in control even when life is out of control!
      What you need to do in overcoming abuse:
      Get away from him! Get medical help if you are hurt! Contact the authorities, police, most have a domestic violence unit, ask for them…Make sure your kids are safe! If they need to say at family, or if no one can help, contact their school or a good church for help. Seek out a qualified counselor to help you through this. The kids too! If you let me know what city you live in I may have a referral.
      Know that you are Christ’s loved one; He still has a plan and purpose for you. Keep the faith and confidence in Christ.
      Get involved in a good Bible teaching church. Find a good pastor to confide with and get help.
      Set up boundaries so he can’t hurt you again. Get advice like sell the house and move, if that is best…
      If he comes back, have a plan to escape and go somewhere safe. Do not confront, get out, and keep the kids safe!
      Do not buy into the lies that if you were more…cooperative…understood him better…listened better… expected too much… absorbed the abuse…. handled things better…or…. it would not have happened! Not true!
      10. Forgive?, Only when it is time and only if he repents, gets help and stops the abuse, stops the drinking, then can you reconcile.
      11. For future relationships, what triggered the abuse? What can you learn from this to help yourself and others?
      12. Remember it is not your fault if he hits or abuses you!
      See these passages: Psalm 40; Isa. 13:5-6; Jer. 7:5-7; Matt. 6:25-34; Rom. 8:18-37; 12:17-19; James 4:7-10; Heb. 13:5-6

      • PennyMarieMcgillem
        October 31, 2012 at 1:09 pm

        @RichardKrejcir  HI, we are going to take it a day at a time an try to make our marriage work since we have been married so long i saw my therapist for the last time this morning an i can see her anytime if i need her i told her to look you up on the computer as you are helping me too with bible verses . thank you so much for the information .

      • RichardKrejcir
        October 31, 2012 at 8:53 pm

        I am so glad you are getting some help, please stay focused and be in prayer too…. let me know how it goes and what you need….
        be Blessed Phil 1:6

        • PennyMarieMcgillem
          November 1, 2012 at 8:57 pm

          My husband is going to get help an he is going to get a job we talked an think that would be a good idea so we can pay our bills better an not have that stress on top of keeping our marriage together we have talked of a marriage counselor too .thanks again

        • PennyMarieMcgillem
          November 5, 2012 at 6:15 pm

          @PennyMarieMcgillem  well as i,m writing again you can see my husband changed his mind again an getting mouthy to me so we are going to get a divorce my body just can,t take being beat on anymore found out i might go blind in the eye he blackened so bad

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