Marriage Builders: The Problem of Marriage

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Marriage Builders: The Problem of Marriage

“Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.  I am the LORD.” Leviticus 19:18

This post is directed at those of us who feel dry, dysfunctional or stuck in our relationships. We call this the “problem of marriage” because everyone encounters it at some point in their marriage.

In order to fix our relationships, we have to understand the problem: we are flawed people who have been hurt and damaged by one another and sometimes, we can’t see what to do with that hurt. In our pain, we in turn hurt those who are close to us and love us, and we can also hurt ourselves. Often, we hurt ourselves by overeating or alcohol, we seek medication or some substance or person to sooth us; or maybe we fight in order to return the hurt.

Unfortunately, these solutions only make the initial injury worse – no problem is solved and others are created without God’s help. We need to see that our pride is in the way and our hearts are going in the wrong direction.  We must recognize our need to be loved and make the allowance for this.  We need to see that our spouses are not our enemies. It is necessary for us to move beyond the hurt, which takes effort, courage and sacrificial love.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command.  I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business.  Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command:  Love each other.” John 15:12-17 

Christ’s love was expressed, not only in words, but also in His sacrificial death.  We may not have to sacrifice ourselves literally for our spouses, but we have to see that real love is sacrificial.

Without this kind of radical love, we may see our marriages as dry or dysfunctional or stuck—and maybe they are.  We tried to change our spouses and realized that would never work. They, in turn, tried to change us; it didn’t work.  We tried to manipulate and/or attack–all led to discontent. We are frustrated, confused, and disillusioned.

We face challenges and our inclination may be to give up, move on; unfortunately, what we give up is God’s best for us. We must have the desire to make marriage work, and we have to want to be in a good marriage.  We can’t allow our pettiness to overwhelm and consume us. We must pursue our spouses with real love—not pettiness and retribution.  No matter what we have been through, we can turn this relationship around.

Do you love and value Christ as Lord?  If so, you are on the right track.  Now take His love and let it overflow in you and on to your spouse. Grow in your faith and ask God to show you His love and help you share it. You must grasp his grace and how Christ loves us; if you do not, you will only be able to see problems and set-backs, and you will regress in your relationship.

For more encouragement, read Leviticus 19:18; John 14-15

  1.  Have you tried to change or manipulate your spouse?
  2.  What can you do to prevent the instinct to give up and move on?
  3.  How can you live Christ’s love and share it with your spouse?
  4.  Christ gives us an example of sacrificial love. How can His love for you motivate you to be a better ‘lover’ to your spouse?

 

Check out the entire Marriage Builders series by Dr. Richard Krejcir.

About The Author
Richard Krejcir
Richard Krejcir
Hi there, I'm Dr. Krejcir, the Founder and Director of “Into Thy Word Ministries,” (www.intothyword.org) a missions and discipling ministry. I'm also the author of several books including, Into Thy Word, and A Field Guide to Healthy Relationships. I'm a pastor, teacher, husband and father, and a graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California (M.Div.) and I have a Doctor of Philosophy in Practical Theology from London, England (Ph.D). Blessings to you!
28 Comments
Leave a response
  • Stella Klepczynski
    August 16, 2012 at 8:48 am

    amen

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  • Eric Bradley Poling
    August 16, 2012 at 8:54 am

    AMEN!!!!!!!

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  • Richard A. Vickers Jr.
    August 16, 2012 at 8:55 am

    And also in the POWER of the resurrection, I can testify, our marriage died at one point several years ago but thanks be to GOD JESUS resurrected it and it’s stronger than it ever was, thank GOD for a prayin wife that stood on GOD’s promises when I was too blind and stupid to.

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  • Anthony Holiday
    August 16, 2012 at 9:30 am

    I love it and PRAY my marriage turns around.

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  • Pam Courtney Lanning
    August 16, 2012 at 9:47 am

    since my husband passed, all i want to do is serve my LORD….no time for a relationship/dating/etc.!

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  • Trochia
    August 16, 2012 at 9:55 am

    Pam, may the Lord’s peace and grace be with you and comfort you in your loss.

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  • Anthony Holiday
    August 16, 2012 at 10:21 am

    Pam Lanning, I pray you find peace and one day a relationship

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  • Pam Courtney Lanning
    August 16, 2012 at 10:45 am

    actually i do have a relationship….mine is with my LORD AND SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST, i truly feel CHRIST wants me to serve HIM 100%…..if HE desires me to be married again, HE will send me a good christian man that also serves GOD…..

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  • Eva Wilson
    August 16, 2012 at 2:02 pm

    amen

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  • Shirley Ferris
    August 16, 2012 at 2:27 pm

    So true!

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  • Zachary Baldwin
    August 16, 2012 at 7:06 pm

    but is sacrificing our body, soul or mind EVER something that would be for the highest good of God, others or ourselves?

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  • Caroline Muiruri
    August 16, 2012 at 7:35 pm

    Very true.

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  • Cathy Rose
    August 16, 2012 at 9:57 pm

    sometimes we make wrong choices.we are only human.i think many of us give up too early and want instant gratification.I dont think judging how others feel is ever good but puting others first is a sign of mature love i think instead of that me me me me thing children have.Some folks dont ever get there.I have to love me before i can love anyone else ,but saying once i mkake a mistake i cant change it is really silly.i think the problem of mae is people have unrealistic expectations.we all need our own space.too much time together can suffocate both parties.trust and friendship,are vital along with respect.

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  • Marissa Green
    August 17, 2012 at 6:52 pm

    Yes

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  • Paulina Pao
    August 18, 2012 at 6:26 am

    Dios lo dijo…… Y seran una sola carne, por eso es que causa mucho dolor los problemas, infidelidades, etc…. ambos son fragiles y danar al uno, dana al otro por igual, la union matrimonial es algo muy espiritual, de mucho significado, Dios instituyo y bendijo el matrimonio, Dios nos ayude a sanar las heridas causadas…… por eso, ni lo pienso…. no volveria a casarme…. no me gusta el dolor.

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  • Debbie Snitcher Debbie Burke
    August 18, 2012 at 10:08 am

    who”s thinking of marriage when you can’t even find a decent guy to even date out there..

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  • Jeanie Waller
    August 18, 2012 at 1:13 pm

    I agree Debbie

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  • Carol Cokley
    August 18, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    sp true

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  • Leah Abney Usleaman
    August 19, 2012 at 12:19 am

    I long, desire for revival in my marriage, yet I need this first in my relationship w/ Christ as I’m climbing back up the hill side from wich I fell…I need to take the steps for my physical being as well, all of this is overwhelming. I deal w/ pain, yet if I was to get some rehabilitation starting from zero, I believe I would start feeling better an able to do more & meet all goals…Now I know all this to be true, but for yrs I’ve found it too hard to do from anxiety. I need, I must do this for myself, my husband & my 3 boys!!! So if you come across this I would be extremely thankful for your prayers & pray that God will bless you tenfold of the blessing of your grateful prayer…GBY n Yours

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  • Cindy Davis
    August 19, 2012 at 5:25 am

    I WILL SURELY KEEP U IN MY PRAYERS LEAH AN MAY GOD KEEP SENDING BLESSING OUT TO U KEEP STRONG

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  • Wanda Spraggs
    August 19, 2012 at 5:51 am

    God bless you!

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  • Glenda Callaway
    August 20, 2012 at 6:58 am

    just keep trusting in the Lord

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  • August 24, 2012 at 10:44 am

    I pray you find peace and one day a relationship

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  • Bestspellcaster
    April 5, 2013 at 10:36 pm

    Since my breakup of my 6 year relationship, I tried everything to get my girl back but nothing worked, she wouldn’t even return my calls.  Then I took a chance on [email protected] spell and I still can’t believe how incredibly it worked.  my opinion, this is the best spell caster on repairing a breakup you will ever find.  Thank you.John Stevens,

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  • Gary Welch
    July 17, 2014 at 10:16 am

    True and I agree!!

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  • Ikeakhe George
    July 17, 2014 at 12:10 pm

    (Y)

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  • Tammy Lee
    July 17, 2014 at 8:02 pm

    Put God first in all decisions

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