Marriage Builders: Practice Real Love

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Marriage Builders: Practice Real Love

Most of us don’t know what love or the heart are all about.  Heart, in biblical language, means the inner will where one’s desires and conflicts reside.

Our heart is what controls and rules us most of the time.  Yet, as Christians, we are directed by God’s principles, His character, and the Holy Spirit’s leading, applying these to ourselves and relationships—especially with our spouses. Being led by the Word of God will enable us to be filled with the Spirit of God; as they go together.  You cannot say the Holy Spirit fills you while you ignore God’s Word and hurt your spouse.  It is not the heart that gives us hope, reason, purpose, meaning, and motivation; our Lord does that through His Word; the growth from this gift influences our mindsets and is evident in our attitudes, outlooks, and actions in all facets of life.

Our choices dictate the consequences, and we will either fill our lives with hope or despair, joy or discontent, gratitude or ingratitude, contentment or dissatisfaction–all dependent upon our willingness to lead our hearts right.  A real Christian is willing to be controlled and filled by Christ and not by apprehension, selfishness, turmoil, damaged past, or uncertainty (Acts 2:4; 4:8, 31; 6:3; Rom. 8:9; 1 Cor. 12:13; Eph. 5:8-6:9, Col. 3:19-4:1). In addition, a spirit of gratitude promotes peace and secures a content heart whereas sin and turmoil become cancerous and adversely affect others around us (Psalm 32; 51; Col. 2:2, 3:15-17).

By the same token, most people (even most Christians) do not know what love really is.  Love is more of an act of our will than it is a feeling.  Love is a choice.  Yes, it comes as a feeling, but feelings are fleeting.  Do you know that love is not about what you want or desire?

True love seeks what the other person needs.  Real love takes us beyond ourselves and to the other person.  When you fully understand what love is and dedicate yourself to practice it, then you will have a thriving and content marriage. It may take time, but it will happen, because you are unfolding what God has for you and placing His principles in play.  You have to be willing to not just guard your heart but to listen to it.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35, gives us a picture of the magnitude and value of relationships with love in action, both in preparing for marriage and within marriage.  We need to see life as an adventure with no time to waste. The central focus, paying close attention to verse 35, is not being distracted by things that are false and misleading to us; rather, we are to focus on Christ and allow Him to provide us the motivation for leading our hearts to godly living.  His precepts must reign in us so our attention is on the right track.  If not, those myths and cares of the world—including the myths of love—will overtake us and bring us down into the world of bad decisions, leading to bad relationships and producing bad living.

Key marriage tip:  Remember real love is a choice – you have to work at it.

Questions to challenge, inspire, and equip you to be better in your commitment, love and marriage:

Read Psalm 32; 51; 1 Corinthians 7:32-35; 13; Colossians 2:2, 3:15-17

  1. What cultivates your mindset and influences your attitudes, outlooks, and actions in life and in family?
  2. As Christ demonstrated, real love is sacrificial.  So how can you show love to your spouse, even when they do not deserve it?
  3. How does your spiritual growth help you with real hope, reason, purpose, meaning, and motivation?  How will this affect your marriage?
For the entire Marriage Builders series by Dr. Richard Krejcir click here.
About The Author
Richard Krejcir
Richard Krejcir
Hi there, I'm Dr. Krejcir, the Founder and Director of “Into Thy Word Ministries,” (www.intothyword.org) a missions and discipling ministry. I'm also the author of several books including, Into Thy Word, and A Field Guide to Healthy Relationships. I'm a pastor, teacher, husband and father, and a graduate of Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena, California (M.Div.) and I have a Doctor of Philosophy in Practical Theology from London, England (Ph.D). Blessings to you!
32 Comments
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  • Alexander Snuffer
    August 29, 2012 at 9:49 am

    Forgives is a nice place to start. Or being compassionate when they are being very difficult

  • Kim Connor Rudnick
    August 29, 2012 at 9:50 am

    My husband and I have been together for 36 years. By the grace of God I pray that we are together for another 36

  • Meegyo Jibsa
    August 29, 2012 at 9:56 am

    If you trust God is in charge than you nolonger try to fixed your spose… than you can have harmony. This wisdom comes after 25 yrs of working on my relationship and got too tired trying 🙂 Everything God made is perfect…

  • Rebecca Perez-Kline
    August 29, 2012 at 9:56 am

    God has been with us every step of the way ,yet there were many times I was doing it by myself ,but that is when I started praying for my husband and he turn his life around, he now realizes what God has done for him. Thank You Lord. God Bless.

  • Ilma Dodge
    August 29, 2012 at 9:59 am

    It is SOOO easy & such a blessing 2 luv a God-fearing man. I luv u my Darling! Thank U Lord 4 entrusting ur servant, Frank 2 me 2 luv & adore until U come 4 us – we love U VERY much!

  • Norman Axelson
    August 29, 2012 at 10:05 am

    Wonderful testimonies to a Loving God for our family

  • Sandy Howard
    August 29, 2012 at 10:05 am

    This can be difficult when the other spouse continue to thrive off of the “All about me syndrome.” I went through this with my soon to be ex-husband along with other issues. I struggled because I did not want to be out of Gods will and we were unequally yoked. God that makes such a major difference. But, he walked away from the marriage. Bottom line my five year marriage failed from the beginning because real love was never fully practice.

  • Clark J Mitchell Sr
    August 29, 2012 at 10:33 am

    AMEN SANDY AMEN

  • Susan Joy Clymer
    August 29, 2012 at 10:41 am

    I hear you Sandy. I went through that and was hurt in many ways I won’t go into, just know that after my divorce I had no interest in ever marriying again. God sent someone into my life who turned out to be my soul mate! We have been married 33 years and counting and still love each other so much!! God is there to help you through this and to the other side!! I just wanted you to know there are many like you who have been through this and it does not make you a failure or any other negative thing!! God is with you and whether he has plans for someone else for you down the road or for you to remain single…you are loved by him with a great love and he will hold you and love you no matter what!! God bless you Sweetie! Hang in there and know things will get better!! Huggles!

  • Wanda Williams
    August 29, 2012 at 11:12 am

    OMG That is so true.How can you????

  • Gary Welch
    August 29, 2012 at 1:51 pm

    AMEN!!!!!

  • RichardKrejcir
    August 29, 2012 at 5:36 pm

    Great commits all, … Many people wonder, and ask, if love, or commitment comes first? or what is more important? The Bible gives us an answer that surprises a lot of people. In Ephesians 5:22-33 the context of this passage indicates “love the one you marry” rather than to “marry the one you love.” Thus, romance is often skewed with society’s emphasis on feelings, and not on commitment. So, when the tough times come, romance will not keep you together, only your commitment will. This is a reason that love is also a choice. As a result, I believe commitment will supersede love, and be a good indicator that love is in the mix!
     

  • Richard Krejcir
    August 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Great commits all, … Many people wonder, and ask, if love, or commitment comes first? or what is more important? The Bible gives us an answer that surprises a lot of people. In Ephesians 5:22-33 the context of this passage indicates “love the one you marry” rather than to “marry the one you love.” Thus, romance is often skewed with society’s emphasis on feelings, and not on commitment. So, when the tough times come, romance will not keep you together, only your commitment will. This is a reason that love is also a choice. As a result, I believe commitment will supersede love, and be a good indicator that love is in the mix! Also, never be afraid to seek help from a qualified pastor or counselor…

  • Richard Krejcir
    August 29, 2012 at 5:39 pm

    Great commits all, … Many people wonder, and ask, if love, or commitment comes first? or what is more important? The Bible gives us an answer that surprises a lot of people. In Ephesians 5:22-33 the context of this passage indicates “love the one you marry” rather than to “marry the one you love.” Thus, romance is often skewed with society’s emphasis on feelings, and not on commitment. So, when the tough times come, romance will not keep you together, only your commitment will. This is a reason that love is also a choice. As a result, I believe commitment will supersede love, and be a good indicator that love is in the mix! Also, never be afraid to seek help from a qualified pastor or counselor…

  • Richard Krejcir
    August 29, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    Keep in mind, Our thoughts, sorrows, plans and sins must be let go. We have to discharge anything that gets in the way of us growing deeper in the walk of life (His life), our journey into His presence. We cannot bottle it in, nor can we let it out so it affects others. It must e a controlled burn as we give it all to the foot of the cross. So when your spouse or past spouse has hurt you or forms up against you remember Christ is with you. And our trust cannot, and must not be in dust, but firmly planted in His Truth. Our only path is the trust and reliance on our Lord, what He has done for us through it all.

  • Rosemary Warren
    August 30, 2012 at 6:14 am

    God first; companion next, etc., etc., etc. This is commitment & I believe God is going to bless a marriage like this. No, I never said I thought ALL would be PERFECT, because we were born in sin, into a sinful world; but trusting God to help us through any problems that may come our way IS the ONLY answer!

  • Bobbisue Jones
    August 30, 2012 at 11:09 am

    if both of you are giving there is no taking…makes sense to me.

  • Bobbisue Jones
    August 30, 2012 at 11:09 am

    if both of you are giving there is no taking…makes sense to me.

  • Anne Zussy Higginbotham
    August 30, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    love each other as christ loves the church

  • Anne Zussy Higginbotham
    August 30, 2012 at 8:13 pm

    love each other as christ loves the church

  • Gladys DiFazio
    August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    YEAH / AMEN !!!!!!!!!

  • Gladys DiFazio
    August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    YEAH / AMEN !!!!!!!!!

  • Gladys DiFazio
    August 30, 2012 at 9:19 pm

    YEAH / AMEN !!!!!!!!!

  • Joyce E Ashley Pugh
    August 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Agree, Aman

  • Joyce E Ashley Pugh
    August 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Agree, Aman

  • Joyce E Ashley Pugh
    August 30, 2012 at 9:28 pm

    Agree, Aman

  • Michael Wheeler
    August 31, 2012 at 12:07 am

    amen amen & amen!

  • Donald Dailey
    August 31, 2012 at 4:58 am

    leave them when there hurt an waiteing for surgery thanks janet or divorce them after a stroke thanks darlene

  • Thomas A. Wathen Jr.
    August 31, 2012 at 7:28 am

    TRULY you become one flesh!!!

  • Thomas A. Wathen Jr.
    August 31, 2012 at 7:28 am

    TRULY you become one flesh!!!

  • Thomas A. Wathen Jr.
    August 31, 2012 at 7:28 am

    TRULY you become one flesh!!!

  • Richard Krejcir
    July 31, 2014 at 2:49 pm

    More from the author here, plus his new book, http://thisismarriage.org/

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